Collins ‘Arms Mediators’
to solve family problems:
In line with her successful
and dynamic approach to selling milk on the Chinese market Justice and ACC Minister Judith Collins has just released her
new approach to handling problems relating to the family court.
She decided on this specific
process because after a quick discussion over a class of milk, or was it a cup
of tea? she realised how far advanced and more economical the Communist system
of solving family disputes was over that ‘practiced’ here in New Zealand.
After a brief but instructive
session with Assistance Courts Minister Whanganui ex Police Officer Chester Borrows and getting the
Prime Minister John [She’ll-be-right] Key on board with the plan she launched
the plan.
At a public press release
yesterday she stated, “That firstly Mediators will spend no more than three
hours mediating the problem”, that’s any amount of time, and since Lawyers are
so really-really bloody expensive, we’ll stop using lawyers and use Gang
Members instead, that will give them [the Gang Members] good interpersonal
skills training skills. It will also have the extra benefits for the families
because their cases will be heard by people of a similar social standing and
who may have had lots of practice at enforcing discipline, and since most
families in trouble are coloured folk and most gang members are also coloured
then the one law for all crowd should be happy. [Rich white families don’t
have problems, they simply go and live in Hawaii or some such place added the Justice
Minister]
She went on to say “that
should they fail to bring about resolution then the Gang Members will be armed
and will be allow after serious consideration be allowed to select which
members of the family will be ‘taken out’, this will only be done after deep
and meaningful discussions with a team of male policemen and prison officers
has taken place, up to two days would be allowed for this process.
The execution process has yet
to be agreed as it is still being negotiated between ‘Yong Fu Lee’ [China Ltd] the
execution and body part sales arm of the Chinese Government. Justice Minister
Collins assured all those present that the legality of such behaviour will be
agreed to as a part of the TPPA and the China Free Trade Agreement signed by the
PM during his last visit to China.
The various media at the
meeting pressed the Minister that it was 'unfair' to ship off human beings to China
for execution without a fair trial… But once they were informed that the PM
feels happy and has no worries about the process a large number of the media,
like the Auckland Herald, Fairfax, Talk back radio hosts, Seven Sharp, Paul
Henry, bloggers Whale Oil and even David Farrar back from his bike trip down
south and looking like he’d lost a few inches all relaxed after that assurance
from Judith Collins and after she tapped them on their heads and said what
‘Good boys they were’.
Fairfax had this to say [condensed]
The overhaul of the system - the centrepiece of which
will be the introduction of family dispute
resolution providers, or specialised family mediators - promises to
give mediation far more of a central role in settling many of the 26,000 cases
which otherwise would wind their way through the court.
Justice Minister Judith Collins has described it as
the biggest change to the family justice system.
In the new system, mediation will become compulsory
for most families who are in dispute over the children.
Most importantly, parents are left in control of their
situations, with the help of a mediator to help them reach agreements.
Why? Because mediation helps reduce complicated
matters down to manageable components, which in turn helps people to reach
their own conclusions of what's good for their families.
The Family Dispute Resolution Act 2013 defines them as
family dispute resolution providers, charged with assisting parties to a family
dispute to resolve the dispute without having to pursue court proceedings, as
well as ensuring that the parties' first and paramount consideration in
reaching resolution "is the welfare and best interests of the
children". They are a small group of specialists who will be doing this
work throughout the country.
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