Solving the Labour Party’s leadership woes…
They met in a back room in the opposition wing of the beehive, David C and David S. David C has an ego the size of a house while David S has inferiority complex as large as a football field.
They met to sort out their differences. The wider party membership had successfully at the Conference democratised the rules for electing or selecting a leader thereby bringing the party out of the rightwing Roger Douglas era and into the twenty-first century
“I want to be boss”, said David S.
“You are the boss”, said David C
“Stop agreeing with me”, said David S
“But you want me to agree with you”, said David C
“You know what I mean, I want to be the real boss, like Helen was”, said David S
“You can’t be like Helen”, uttered David C
“Why can’t I”, moaned David S.
“It’s obvious, you’re not a woman and you’re not as brainy”, shouted David C
“I am so”, said David S, while stamping his foot.
“I’ve been to Harvard”, said David C clapping his hands.
“So”, said David S as he stamped his other foot.
Suddenly the door opened and there stood Shane Jones…
“Can you keep the bl---y noise down, we are trying to sort which one of you two twits we are going to support”, he said in his usual gruff tone.
“Oh I thought you were here to ask if you could hire an adult movie or two”, said David C
“That’s just cost you my vote said Shane Jones”, as he left the room slamming the door behind him.
“I have to sack you”, yelled David S as he jumped up and down on the spot.
“You can’t sack me, I’m too smart and I’ve been to Harvard and Helen thinks I’m the cat’s whisker”, sang David C.
“You keep saying that and I’ll box you’re ears for you”, said David S.
“You and whose army, remember I was taught boxing at Harvard”, said David C taking up a classic boxing stance.
Just as David S was pulling up his trousers and rolling up his shirt sleeves and David C was combing his thinning hair the door flew open and there stood chief whip Chris Hipkins holding an open note book…”We’ve decided”, he said, as he checked his note book…its unanimous. Every one has voted for David”
“That’s wonderful”, said both David’s…but which David? they both asked at the same time.
“Oh, hell”, muttered Chris Hipkins “I forgot to ask them which David…what say we toss a coin”…