Collins ‘Arms Mediators’ to solve family problems:
In line with her successful and dynamic approach to selling milk on the Chinese market Justice and ACC Minister Judith Collins has just released her new approach to handling problems relating to the family court.
She decided on this specific process because after a quick discussion over a class of milk, or was it a cup of tea? she realised how far advanced and more economical the Communist system of solving family disputes was over that ‘practiced’ here in New Zealand.
After a brief but instructive session with Assistance Courts Minister Whanganui ex Police Officer Chester Borrows and getting the Prime Minister John [She’ll-be-right] Key on board with the plan she launched the plan.
At a public press release yesterday she stated, “That firstly Mediators will spend no more than three hours mediating the problem”, that’s any amount of time, and since Lawyers are so really-really bloody expensive, we’ll stop using lawyers and use Gang Members instead, that will give them [the Gang Members] good interpersonal skills training skills. It will also have the extra benefits for the families because their cases will be heard by people of a similar social standing and who may have had lots of practice at enforcing discipline, and since most families in trouble are coloured folk and most gang members are also coloured then the one law for all crowd should be happy. [Rich white families don’t have problems, they simply go and live in Hawaii or some such place added the Justice Minister]
She went on to say “that should they fail to bring about resolution then the Gang Members will be armed and will be allow after serious consideration be allowed to select which members of the family will be ‘taken out’, this will only be done after deep and meaningful discussions with a team of male policemen and prison officers has taken place, up to two days would be allowed for this process.
The execution process has yet to be agreed as it is still being negotiated between ‘Yong Fu Lee’ [China Ltd] the execution and body part sales arm of the Chinese Government. Justice Minister Collins assured all those present that the legality of such behaviour will be agreed to as a part of the TPPA and the China Free Trade Agreement signed by the PM during his last visit to China.
The various media at the meeting pressed the Minister that it was 'unfair' to ship off human beings to China for execution without a fair trial… But once they were informed that the PM feels happy and has no worries about the process a large number of the media, like the Auckland Herald, Fairfax, Talk back radio hosts, Seven Sharp, Paul Henry, bloggers Whale Oil and even David Farrar back from his bike trip down south and looking like he’d lost a few inches all relaxed after that assurance from Judith Collins and after she tapped them on their heads and said what ‘Good boys they were’.
Fairfax had this to say [condensed]
The overhaul of the system - the centrepiece of which will be the introduction of family dispute resolution providers, or specialised family mediators - promises to give mediation far more of a central role in settling many of the 26,000 cases which otherwise would wind their way through the court.
Justice Minister Judith Collins has described it as the biggest change to the family justice system.
In the new system, mediation will become compulsory for most families who are in dispute over the children.
Most importantly, parents are left in control of their situations, with the help of a mediator to help them reach agreements.
Why? Because mediation helps reduce complicated matters down to manageable components, which in turn helps people to reach their own conclusions of what's good for their families.
The Family Dispute Resolution Act 2013 defines them as family dispute resolution providers, charged with assisting parties to a family dispute to resolve the dispute without having to pursue court proceedings, as well as ensuring that the parties' first and paramount consideration in reaching resolution "is the welfare and best interests of the children". They are a small group of specialists who will be doing this work throughout the country.