Saturday, 26 January 2013

Charter School Funding Solved

Charter school funding plan revealed.

According to my insider in the PM’s Department the PM has set up a special committee to solve the many woes that exist in the education sector and especially the ACT / National policy of introducing Charter Schools in 2013.

The Minister of Education Hekia Parata assisted by her associate ministers, John Banks, Nikki Kaye, Pita Sharples, and enforcer in chief and Sky City’s apprentice and Hekia Parata’s godfather and mentor Steven Joyce have been called to a special meeting to discuss how Charter Schools can supplement, for their boards and owners, a new revenue source so as to increase their profit margins.

After deep and meaningful discussions with Sky City the Government is planning to allow Pokie Machines to be installed in Charter Schools at the rate of one machine per class room or one machine for every sixteen pupils. The logic for this progressive and enterprising plan is to assist private companies [owners of Charter Schools] to fund their charter schools and thereby assist the country achieve a surplus by 2014.

It was recommended by both the Prime Minister and Finance Minister and Sky City [as expert advisers on educational matters]. In a press release a spokesperson for both Key and English stated;

“This new innovative approach to teaching students at an early stage about the development and operation of both the financial and stock market via pokie machine use will prepare them for key positions in later life. By introducing the skills of investing and reinvesting their profits back into the market with much greater sense of urgency and will allow them to practice their basic mathematics so as to prepare themselves for a bright future that is around the bend. In fact Wall Street or the London stock exchange may well become a feasible goal for young Maori from Whanganui”.

“To assist Charter Boards and their owners increase their profit margins further it has been recommended that Charter Schools receive a dollar for dollar grant from the government for every dollar raised via pokies. The Pokie machines will be supplied by ‘Sky City’ Educational Enterprises Ltd”, said Steven Joyce.

Hekia Parata said ‘She felt sure that the whole country will be willing and pleased to assist in teaching our young people and especially young Maori the fine skills of using pokie machines and with hard work she had no doubt many young people will finish up like our wonderful Prime Minister who had masterminded the art of winning recognition as the worlds greatest pokie player.

The Charter School benefit committee [all of those named above, plus the CEO of Sky City] is hoping that once the finial details of the ‘transfer funding’ to Charter School Boards and their owners bill has been introduced and was bringing the level of financial return required for Charter School owners, that the pokie learning educational practice scheme will be introduced to public schools at the same ratio of one per class room or one to 38 pupils. A new element to university teacher training in State Schools will be the operational factors of using Pokie machines as teacher aids. This aspect of training will not apply to teaching staff in Charter Schools because they are not required to be trained teachers, and receive their training direct from Sky City.

Hekia Parata was quoted as saying, “That once the new and wonderful Pokie Machine mathematics training scheme was enacted in Charter Schools there would be a new revenue inflow that would help grow the economy” she went on to say, “There was plenty of operational set up cash available because thousands of teachers and educational staff in the public sector are not being paid, leaving a surplus that can be paid to Charter Schools.

A Sky City educational spokesperson and Mafia Don, Vincent Noccia speaking from Auckland said, “This was the most enlightened move in the education sector since 1840 and that Sky City would willingly donate 2% of his schools pokie profits to charitable organisations like John Bank’s election fund”.

John Banks when approached outside the meeting room stated, “That he remembers nothing about the meeting and still denies taking money from Sky City or Kim Dotcom”…

Steven Joyce was not available because he was still in discussions with Vincent Noccia.

The PM was away in Hawaii or the US watching his lad play baseball.

Further comment from Hekia Parata was not possible as all future releases were to be made by Steven Joyce via Mediaworks.  

No comments: