Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Eavesdropper X in the Beehive

Assets sales pay back.

My GCSB secret agent, better known as Eavesdropper X sent me a shocking revelation of a meeting held deep in the bomb proof bowels of the Beehive. There were only four players present besides a team of GCSB agents.

When the four arrived for the meeting they each wore camouflage of sorts:  The first wore a paper bag with the words ‘McDonalds Hawaii printed in black, he went and sat at the head of the table.

The second arrival was wearing a potato sack that ended up at his shoulders; he was a very large chap.

The third was wearing a dress and a string of pearls. Over her head she wore a Warehouse plastic bag with the carry handles wrapped around her ears.

The last person to enter was a skinny guy wearing a burker type head dress…Once the doors were sealed and all checked for hidden weapons or microphones they got down to business.

Here is a record of that meeting: I’ll leave to decide as to the legality of this disclosure.

“Right, said Paper Bag, Now that Labour got the sales price of shares for the MRP share float down so our mates, I mean supporters, I mean moms and dads, could buy heaps and heaps of them…we need to look at how we are going to do the same thing over and over again, how did your mates, I mean mums and dads, do? He asked.

Potato sack pulled his chair back a bit to allow his massive tummy room to move: “Most of my mates in Canterbury are not speaking to me at the moment, but in Otago they were overjoyed”, he said proudly.

String of pearls said, “Sky City sent an email saying thanks and that I may soon receive a paper bag full of you know what!

“They promised me that they’d never do that again, and to think we have put up with this for thirty-five years”, interrupted paper bag.

Burker said well I had each of my six kids; my two cats and our dog buy a hundred thousand shares each as part of our housing and educational trust fund…so I did my bit.

“None of you talked to Aaron Gilmore about this did you? Paper bag asked.

They all nodded, but it was hard work for potato sack…the sack itched something awful, judging by his scratching.

“We don’t have to worry about Solid Energy we couldn’t give those shares away free after we stripped them clean by demanding huge dividends from them over the last three years. Christ that board was dumb”, uttered Paper Bag. Burker nodded agreement.

“So it’s Meridian then that’s next on the block, I doubt that the Labour / Greens will fall into the trap a second time, we will have to have a strategy and not simply rely on luck”, said String of Pearls, sounding really proud.

“Gee’s woman, we’ve already decided that you idiot, it was in the budget”, said potato sack.

“Shut your fat mouth, screamed string of pearls.

“Now children, lets not resort to name calling, your not in Parliament now”, intervened paper bag, we’ve decided on Meridian energy because once our trusts have build our holiday homes, along with our mun and dad mates, on the lake side down south the values will sky rocket”, he added sounding really relaxed.

“Don’t forget we have to do a deal with that aluminum smelter”…said string of pearls.

“Not to worry, said paper bag, “Well get Steven on the job, like he did with Sky City Casino, he’ll workout a sweet deal for them, he did it for Media Works and Novo Pay, the road contractors, but we may have to bring him into our inner-team”.

Unfortunately the GCSB agents were changed around at this point; their union agreement entitles them to a twenty minute break after thirty minutes of listening to idiotic type secret discussions and their union on the job delegate is very strict about compliance with their industrial agreement. The government is considering changing the law to stop this behaviour by stopping the GCSB from having a collective agreement and only having individual contractor deals like they did for the Warner Brothers.

So this report from New Zealand’s top whistle blower will be delayed until a future date, but he promises to report further on the inner-workings of our top security Beehive team.
I’ll leave to work you is wearing the paper bag, potato sack, the string of pearls and lastly the burker. If you send me the names and they are correct you will receive a prize consisting of a half a million shares in Solid Energy…  

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