Thursday, 2 May 2013

Aaron Gilmore Rings John Key

Aaron Gilmore...future Human Rights Commissioner 
Aaron Gilmore rings John Key:

Overheard by our Eavesdroppers secret agent inside the GCSB using GCSB electronic equipment via approval from the Prime Minister but he won’t remember doing so:

“Is that you John”, asked Aaron in a squawky voice much like a teenaged girl.

“I think it’s me, but I’ll know for sure once I know who you are”, said the voice, sounding a bit like John Key.

“I’m Aaron, you know Aaron Gilmore”, pleaded Aaron.

“Aaron who”…said the voice sounding like John Key.

“Come on John I’m a MP, a National party MP, he said quickly. Adding I urgently need your help, because I’m being picked on”…

“Oh, that Aaron, the guy who asks the odd patsy question, you sound like a girl, well Aaron what can I do for you, and keep it short I’m packing for Hawaii, said the voice that sounds very much like John Key.

“Well this stupid waiter in a bar down south said I was too drunk and he wouldn’t get me another bottle of wine”, said Aaron.

“Wise waiter”, said the voice.

“I told him that I was a very, very important MP and that if he wouldn’t serve me I’d get him fired”, screamed Aaron sounding really girlish in a male kind of way.

“Silly Aaron”, said the voice.

“It gets worse John, he went to the media”, Aaron said, as the voice cut him off…

“Look just, say you can not remember it’ll be your word against his and he’s only a waiter”, said the voice. Tell him the event, if it took place at all was so minor that you simply can not remember because your such a busy young lady…ops I mean chap”, said the voice sounding very fatherly.

“Thanks John but it’s a bit late for that because I told him that I’d have a chat to you and you would get him sacked”, muttered Aaron

“You did what! The voice screamed… that sounded very much like John Key now.

“Wait there is more…I also blamed my mates and they too have gone to the press, I’m really sorry, I’ve let you down and I beg your forgiveness, but I tried all the things you taught us…and the failed. What am I to do, should I resign? He begged.

“Oh no, the next guy on the list is even worse than you, so hang in there and I’ll find you something in the Race Relations Commission”, said the voice. “Oh and one last thing, You were right to blame others that’s always a good ploy but you need to know I’m not John Key…I’m a GCSB stand in who fills in for John Key over sensitive issues like John Banks, Dotcom and Sky City. So this conversation never took place, but if it did I can’t remember it…now go to bed and get a good nights rest”.

Aaron hung up and had another glass of Red…

When Aaron woke up the next morning all his fears were realised so he issued this PR. In it he decided on using the standard technique of blaming others and he’d save the memory or lack of for some other event…and he is thinking seriously about the Human Rights Commission job…and he thought that the guy on the phone had John Keys voice off pat…

Press Release: New Zealand National Party Aaron Gilmore
National Party MP

Media Statement 2 May 2013MP Aaron Gilmore apologises National List MP Aaron Gilmore is this morning apologising to staff and patrons at the Heritage Hotel Hanmer Springs following a dinner he attended there on Saturday 27 April.” As a group of diners our behaviour was at times boisterous and I sincerely apologise for any offence this may have caused any staff and/or patrons,” Mr Gilmore said.” I intend to convey my apologies on behalf of the group to hotel staff, and understand that Members of Parliament should uphold, and be seen to uphold, the highest of standards at all times. “On this occasion I believe as a group, our behaviour fell short of this mark, and I should have recognised this at the time.” I also plan to pass my apologies on to the Prime Minister for failing to meet the standards I believe National MPs should uphold.” ENDS

NZ Herald wrote:
Mr Riches also said he was disappointed that Mr Gilmore had apologised for his group's behaviour when it was "absolutely'' his own behaviour that was in question. “It’s a shame because I thought this could just lie, he could apologise and that would be the end of it, but to sort of blame everyone else!''
He told the Herald that two of the four in Mr Gilmore's group had left by the time of the incident.
"It was because most of the group had already left, he was cut off service, he did the old, "do you know who I am, I'm an MP''.
"I thought it was just disgusting.''

Mr Gilmore initially denied the claims but this morning issued an apology via Twitter and a later press