Thursday, 16 August 2012

True or False you decide [Satire]

Eavesdropper and PR operation. 

Eavesdroppers come in various shapes and sizes, they can be the person sitting next to your table in the local coffee bar, or the taxi driver, even one of your family.

This eavesdropper works in a flash office in the Beehive. He is surrounded by portraits of people like Sir Walter Nash, Sid Holland and Norm Kirk.

The major temporary incumbent was inside his office discussing an upcoming event with his two press sectaries. One was a fifty plus gray haired ex TV1 male news reader and the other a not so young female ex-editor of the NZ Listener. Unfortunately the intercom was left turned on and our brave eavesdropper was a party to the discussion…here is what he heard.

“I agree, you can’t just take off for Bangor USA without covering your backside, the public will not accept you not attending the national service for those two brave lads who died fighting on the nations behalf”, judging by the voice that was the fifty plus PR man.

“What do you think”, asked the boss.

“Oh, I agree”, said a female voice, [I presume it was the female PR agent.] “Women are a big part of your support base and that base has been declining of late”, she added.

“I don’t care I want to go to Bangor Maine”, said the boss firmly.

“Don’t panic, we’ll workout a plan and with just an ounce of luck also turn you into a hero at the same-time”, said old PR man.

“In fact we’ve already designed a strategy that will achieve our goal into the future”, said woman PR. [Don’t PR people love using words like…into the future and looking forward.]

“Right then put me in the picture and give me a timeline”, said the boss sounding a little more cheerful.

“OK, here it is, one: Go visit the parents of the two soldiers and personally offer your condolences”, said male PR man.

“Done”, said the Boss.

“Then”, said the Female PR, “We will release a press statement about how hard your job is and how you’ve sacrificed your family life for your country, you know working 24/7 for getting the nation into work and pulling us out of our dire financial predicament and back into the blue”, she added sounding very proud and confident.

“So you reckon that its now safe to go and watch my boy play baseball in the USA and then take a short holiday at my home in Hawaii”, Boss asked sounding really happy.

“Don’t worry boss, we’ll wrap this up by getting out a press statement and we’ll drop a hint to the media about visiting those grieving parents, so just relax and we’ll get the ball rolling”, said male PR man.

Oh, one last thing boss, if you talk to the press in the USA don’t mention the death of the soldiers, talk about your hard work, you know 24/7, your sacrifice for your country and perhaps your time on Wall Street. Troop losses in the US is now... just sort of ho-hum in that neck of the woods”.

Eavesdropper slipped out of his office before the three left the inner sanctum…it’s a small country is New Zealand and it is almost impossible to keep secrets…  

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