DRAFT PRESS – RELEASE
Editors Office: Monday 3rd February 2014
New Zealand Herald
Audrey Young forced to tone down redecoration of office,
The Editor of the New Zealand Herald said, “The Herald in Auckland have agreed to budget two hundred dollars to assist their wonderful unbiased political editor enhance her wall space.
“She has a new hero, and refuses to work unless he appears on her wall.
She asked that the wall be extended to accommodate her request and after some solid negotiations she was forced to compromise and simply remove one photo and replace it with another. She was most disappointed, as adding to the wall would only have cost ten thousand dollars and that is around half the value of Judith Collins latest face-lift.
Audrey Young the Heralds political editor has had to remove one of the twenty pictures of John Key that adorn her office so as to be able to make room for yet another hero, a newly elected leader of a party that rated zero in the latest political poll, not one person in a thousand polled ticked the ACT box.
The person is of course Jamie Whyte a management consultant [Aren’t they all]. Audrey has already been in touch with him, suggesting that he contact her with an offer or two and she will immediately get the pen moving on his behalf. She also asked for an air-brushed portrait to hang in the vacant space created by removing a photo of Key on his knees kissing the Queens Corgi, which even she thought was just a little demeaning…and she absolutely simply adores multimillionaire boy wonder John Phillip Key.
The Herald management team would like to thank the Engineers and Printing Union delegates who mediated on their behalf and convinced Ms Young and her legal adviser Judith Collins MP that the ten thousand
Ms Audrey Young while disappointed with the outcome of the negotiations said she felt that it was time to get back to reporting on the nations political events of importance, like John Phillip Key loving the silver fern, kissing babies, and John Bank’s upcoming trial, rising interest rates, Police cock-ups, etc. But she added emphatically ‘Poverty and inequality is not on her list”…
Draft Press Release ends.
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