Friday, 31 January 2014

Eavesdropper reveals sleeze plan.

Eavesdropper follows John K pool side.

[Three hours in the busy life of our PM.]

10am Thursday morning:

“Hey John, have you got a minute”, shouted Bronagh.

It was Thursday the 30th of January 2014 and as usual John had decided that he wouldn’t go to work today and was relaxing pool side.

“What is it dear”, he shouted back.

“It’s the phone dear, there is a chap on the phone called Hone something or other, he wants to know if you are coming to work today, what should I tell him”, she answered.

“Tell him it’s nothing to do with him, what I do, I’m the bloody Prime Minister and I’ll do what I like”, screamed the PM in a minor fit of rage. This was always dangerous at this early hour for his blood pressure. So he thought about popping another pill to help calm his nerves.

“I told him that John dear, but I left out the swear word, I thought that was rather rude, he said that he will pass your suggestion on the Speaker” who will report your absence from Parliament since you always seem to take leave every Thursday, he then said “have a good relaxing day”, which was rather nice of him, he sounds like a very nice chap this Hone”, said Bronagh wondering if this Hone chap is the same one that dear John was always complaining about.

11am same Thursday:

John is sitting at his poolside table jotting down next weeks intended press statements, it was really hard work, using a pen, very hard on ones fingers, but now that his PR team is in place and ready to do his bidding it’s a little easier than usual.

  1. Bring up the Flag issue, contact Audrey Young [Herald] and Mike Hoskins [TV One] they will push my line. Send Audrey Flowers…and Mike a bottle of Gin.

  1. Target Metiria Turei and her dress habits. Get Ann Tolley to comment on Turei’s crazy jackets, Tolley is naturally weak kneed so have her backed up by Crusher Collins, her twitter fingers and mouth are unstoppable Cameron Slater [Whale Oil] can write her script after all they are more than friendly. Let Mike Hoskins know…as well as my man Paul Henry at TV3. Send Ann a get well card, Crusher Collins a mouth guard and Paul Henry a cheque.

  1. Check on Russel Normans Australian back ground and see if there are any convict connections. Good task for Ian Fletcher and Luigi Wewege using our Australian and US friends. Send Ian a ticket to the next Lords concert and Luigi a new passport.

He takes a short break, sips his G and T and using his cell rings the Speaker:

“Hi there David, how’s it going”, says John

“Who is speaking”, asks David in his typical farming tone.

“It’s me John Key the Prime Minister”, says the PM in rather a gruffly voice.

“Oh, I’m sorry boss Hogg, it’s Thursday and I wasn’t expecting to hear from you, you are normally on your way to Hawaii…what can I do for you? David the mouse asks.

“Did you leak that info about Hone what’s-his-name taking so many days off? Asked John, better known to the Speaker as Boss-Hogg.

“Yes I did but it back fired somewhat awful”, said David meekly.

“What the hell could have gone wrong”, shouted John as he took yet another pill, not a good idea while drinking G and T.

“Well I don’t exactly know how to put this, but you were the problem”, whispered David, fearing for his short career as speaker may be coming to an abrupt end. “You see boss, Hone-you-know-who took 68 days leave, but you took 180 over the same period”…

“Who the hell released that info…”, screamed the PM.

“You know who”, said David, seeing a way to pass the blame.

“He didn’t”, Said PM

“He did’, said Speaker

“And to think I made him a Minister again…I knew I shouldn’t have trusted that mop-topped Peter Dunne”, said the PM as he pushed the off button on his cell phone, the hardest work he’d done this Thursday morning.

Well that was John Key’s busy morning for which we pay thousands of tax payers dollars eavesdropper will continue to keep an eye on our so-called leaders.

Our eavesdropper within the GCSB is away getting trained up by the FBI in covert activities during elections. As soon as he gets back our insider reports will recommence and whatever you do don't tell the GCSB...


No comments: