Thursday, 7 June 2012

Increasing class sizes gets the chop. Victory to the people.

Boss Key and Deputy English. 

Breaking News: The Government has chopped its plan to increase class sizes and reduce the numbers of teachers. Just hours ago the Minister of Education stated; That there would be no going back...but just after that a conference call took place between, Bill English, Steven Joyce, Jerry Brownlee, Hekia Parata and the PM John Key.

Here is Eavesdroppers version of that call...

The Conference call:

“Can you hear me Bill", Asked John?
“Yes”, whispered Bill English
"Hekia are you with us? Yes she answered meekly.
"Jerry and Steven you’re both connected? Yes said the duo, almost as one.

Right said John, we are in a real pickle over this teacher and class size business”, he added sounding really bossy.
“It’s not my fault”, said Jerry in a high pitched tone.
“Nor mine”, added Steven sounding like an echo of Jerry.

“I’d just like to say at the start, said Hekia…

“Oh shut up Hekia shouted John, “you’re the reason we are in this mess”, he added and as for you Bill you need to learn how to count after all it was all your idea to cut the class sizes and thereby save millions so we could balance the books”…”and as for you Steven your advice ‘Don’t worry, be happy’ was way off the mark, call yourself a PR expert! And Jerry it would seem that your experience teaching wood-work has been of little value in this debacle…I was having such a wonderful time lunching with the Queen and talking it up with the NATO boss and that strange British PM, what’s his name”. John paused for a quick breath.

Hekia Parata. 

“But”, said Hekia…

“Oh shut up said John, Where are you Steven? John asked.
“I’m at Sky City Casino trying to tie up the loose ends on your deal with them over the pokie machines”… whimpered Steven in his best Mediaworks voice.
“Well tell us what to do Jerry you are the so-called expert on school teachers, wood-work and all that stuff”, shouted John from across the sea in his mansion in London.
“I’m not sure about what to do”, whined wee Jerry.

Jerry Brownlee

“What about you Steven you are our expert at spin, what’s your opinion? Said John sounding really pissed off.
I’m thinking about it but I’d like to talk to one of my friendly bloggers about it John” answered Steven.
“Not that dim-wit Whale-Oil”, asked John.
“No not him, someone a bit more intelligent”, muttered Steven.

“Bill, have you got any bright ideas how to get us out of this muddle we’ve got ourselves into”, John said cutting his decimal down a notch or two.
Bill spoke slowly and concisely when he said, “You are the PM, I’m only the Deputy, its your call John that’s why you get the big bucks”.

Steven Joyce

“Right here is what we do…Hekia, you go on national TV and Radio and admit you made a big mistake, you apologize to all the thousands and thousands of Kiwi Moms and Dads and all the School teachers and school children. While doing so you are not to mention this conference call or use our names in any way. You are the Minister of Education and the buck stops with you. Later I may move you to another portfolio like say the Minister in charge of Racing, have you got that?

“If you say so…but”, Hekia said before she was cut off.

“No buts Hekia just do it, they don’t call me the smiling assassin for nothing”, said John in his best school master voice.  

The conference call was now over, John K went back to his red wine, Jerry went out to his shed to work on his latest wood-working project, Bill went inside to find out if any of his kids were involved with the protest at their various private schools, Steven went into the Sky City pokie machine room to try his luck at reducing his overseas debt and lastly Hekia went into the bathroom to practice her apology in front of the mirror she always did...


The Labour Party saw a future, the Greens planted a tree and named it Hekia, John Banks had a cup of tea and carried on hiding from the press, Peter Dunne brushed his hair yet again and Hone H just smiled...and thought 'one down' and wondered who will be next... 

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